Two Men talking about Marriage and Divorce

2 Men Talking

1st: I am getting Married because, I am tired of eating out, cleaning house & doing laundry.

2nd: Strange, I am taking Divorce for the same Reasons!

How He got into the House

A Man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar

who had broken into his house the night before.

You'll get Your chance in court, said the Police officer.

No, no no! said the Man.

I want to know, how He got into the house without waking My Wife. I've been trying for Years.

Funny Interview Conversations 05

Interviewer : Any Girlfriends?

Interviewee : Yes.

Interviewer : Is She pretty?

Interviewee : Yes

Interviewer : Is She, Your First Lover?

Interviewee : Yes.

Interviewer : Sorry, we can't employ You because, You lack of Fighting Spirit.

Example of COINCIDENCE

Teacher : "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

One Student : "Sir, My Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time".

Funny Interview Conversations 04

Interviewer : Any Boyfriends?

Interviewee : Yes.

Interviewer : Is He rich ?

Interviewee : Yes, Very Rich. He owns a Company.

Interviewer : Sorry, we cannot employ You because Your boyfriend don't even want to employ You, neither do We!

Interviewee : But,...... there is No position in His Company.

Interviewer : Then,..... What is Your Qualification/Designation?

Interviewee : Secretary!

Interviewer : Sorry, we still cannot employ You because, Your prettiness will affect Your Managers' Working Spirits.

Interviewee : But,...... I am Not pretty at all.

Interviewer : It is even worse because My Managers will not be Interested in You!!

Funny Interview Conversations 03

Interviewer : Any Girlfriends?

Interviewee : Yes.

Interviewer : Is She pretty?

Interviewee : Not quite.

Interviewer : Sorry, My company cannot employ You.

Interviewee : Why? Will this affect Your Company's reputation?

Interviewer : No, it does not affect the Company's reputation but because My Company is dealing with Arts, our company requested an Artist.

Funny Interview Conversations 02

Interviewer : Any Girl Friends?

Interviewee : No.

Interviewer : So far chased any before?

Interviewee : Have, but not successful.

Interviewer : Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a Girlfriend?

Interviewee : Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider this personal issue.

Interviewer : Sorry, My company cannot employ You.

Interviewee : Why?

Interviewer : You are lacking of P.R Skills and Confidence!!

Funny Interview Conversations 01

Interviewer : Do You have a Boyfriend?

Interviewee : Yes, I have.

Interviewer : Is he working Locally?

Interviewee : No. He is working Overseas.

Interviewer : Sorry, My Company cannot Employ You!

Interviewee : Why?

Interviewer : You will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of You.

Stupid Questions with the Smart Answers 03

Teacher : What do You call a Person who keeps on talking when People are no longer Interested?
Student : A Teacher.


Teacher : Which is More Important to Us, the Sun or the Moon?
Student : The Moon.
Teacher : Why?
Student : The Moon gives us Light at Night when We need it but the Sun gives us Light only in the Day Time when We Don't Need It.


Teacher : Chintu, You talk a lot!
Chintu  : It's a Family Tradition.
Teacher : What do You Mean?
Chintu  : Teacher, My Grandpa was a Street Hawker, My Father is a Teacher.
Teacher : What about Your Mother?
Chintu  : She's a Woman.

 
Chintu : How should I convey the news to My father that I've Failed?
Pintu  : You just send a Telegram:- Result Declared, Past Year's Performance Repeated.


Teacher: Now, Pintu, tell Me frankly do You say Prayers before Eating?
Pintu  : No Teacher, I don't have to, My Mom is a Good Cook.

Stupid Questions with the Smart Answers 02

Husband: You remind Me of the Sea.
Wife   : Because I'm Wild, Romantic and Exciting?
Husband: No, because You make Me Sick.


Wife   : You tell a Man Something, it goes in One Ear and Comes Out of the Other.
Husband: You tell a Woman Something,  It goes in Both Ears and Comes Out of the Mouth.


Wife   : Mr. A says I'm Pretty. Mrs.A says I'm Ugly. What do You think, Dear?
Husband: A bit of Both. I think You're Pretty Ugly.


Girlfriend: ...And are You sure You Love Me and No One Else ?
Boyfriend : Dead Sure! I checked the Whole List again Yesterday.


Teacher: Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?
Pintu  : Teacher, My Mother and Father got Married on the Same Day and at the Same Time.

A Lady and a Old Man

A Lady noticed an Old Happy Man sitting on his Porch.

“Excuse Me” She said “I just couldn’t help noticing how happy You look.

Tell Me, what is the secret to Your Long Happy Life.”

“Well, the Man responded, “I eat Fatty Foods, Never Exercise. I also Smoke Three Packs of Cigarettes a Day and Drink about a Case of Whiskey a Week”

“Wow”, the Lady said “And How Old are You?”

"Twenty Eight", He said!.

Stupid Questions with the Smart Answers 01

1. Wife      : Say You Love Me! Say You Love Me!
    Husband: You Love Me.

2. Wife      :  Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
    Husband: Don't You ever want to Improve??

3. Wife       : If We become engaged will You give Me a Ring??
    Husband: Sure, What's Your Phone Number??

4. Wife      : I think the Poorest People are the Happiest.
    Husband: Then Marry Me and We'll be the Happiest Couple.

5. Husband: May I hold Your hand?
    Wife      : No thanks, it isn't heavy.

6. Husband: I Love You and I could die for You!
    Wife      : How Soon??

7. Husband: I would go to the end of the world for you!
    Wife      : Yes, but would you stay there??

Complete vs Finished vs Completely Finished

Difference Between Complete, Finished and Completely Finished

Someone says that there is No difference between Complete, Finished and Completely Finished. But, there is the Difference.

When You Marry the Right One, You are COMPLETE.

When You Marry the Wrong One, You are FINISHED.

And When the Right One catches You with the Wrong One, You are COMPLETELY FINISHED.

Chintu Pintoo Jokes

Chintu : What is Common between Krishna, Ram, Gandhiji and Jesus?
Pintoo : All are Born on Government Holidays.

Pappu, while filling up a Form: Dad, What should I write for Mother Tongue?
Chintu : Very Long!

Chintu : I am a Proud, My Son is in Medical College.
Pintoo : Really, What is He Studying?
Chintu : No, He is Not Studying, they are Studying Him.

Chintu bought a New Mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book and said "My Mobile Number has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610.

Chintu was caught for Speeding and went before the Judge.
Judge: What will You take 30 Days or Rs.3000?
Chintu : I think, I'll take the Money.

Chintu : People consider Me as a GOD.
Pintoo : How do You know??
Chintu : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD! You have came again.

Chintu complained to Police : Sir, all items are missing except the TV in My House.
Police : Why did the Thief not take the TV?
Chintu : I was watching the TV.

Chintu : My Dad was an extremely Brave Man. He once entered a Lion's Cage.
Pintoo : He probably might have got a lot of Applause when He came out.
Chintu : He Never came out of the Cage!

Three Men with their Watches

There were Three Men on a Hill with their Watches.

The First Man threw his Watch down the Hill and it broke.

The Second Man threw his Watch down the Hill and it broke.

The Third Man threw his Watch down the Hill, walked all the way to the bottom, and caught it.

The Other Two Men were puzzled and asked the Third Man how He did it.

The Third Man said, "Easy. My Watch is 5 Minutes Slow!"

How Guys select a Girl

A Man is dating Three Women and wants to decide which to Marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each Woman a present of Rs. 25,000/- and watches to see what they do with the Money.

The First does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the Man.

She tells him that She has done this to be more attractive for Him because She loves Him so much.

The Man is Impressed.

The Second goes Shopping to buy the Man Gifts.

She gets him a new set of strong Golf Clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes.

As She presents these gifts, She tells him that She has spent all the Money on him because she loves Him so much.

Again, the Man is Impressed.

The Third invests the Money in the Stock Market.

She earns several times the Rs.25,000/-. She gives him back his Rs. 25,000/- and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells Him that She wants to save for their future because She loves Him so much.

Obviously, the Man was Impressed.

The Man thought for a long time about what each Woman had done with the Money.

Guess which Lady, he chose to Marry?

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He Married the Most Beautiful One.

Wife vs Girlfriend

Wife is like a TV,
Girlfriend is like a MOBILE.

TV is Free for Life,
But for the MOBILE, if You don't Pay, the Services will be Terminated.

At Home, You watch TV,
But when You go out, You take Your MOBILE.

TV is Big, Bulky and Most of the time Old,
But the MOBILE is Cute, Slim and Portable.

Operational Costs for TV is often Acceptable,
But for the MOBILE it is often High and Demanding.

TV has a Remote,
MOBILE Doesn't.

Most importantly, MOBILE is a Two-Way Communication (You Talk and Listen),
But with the TV You must only Listen (Whether You want to or not).

Funny Conversations

Waiter: Would you like Your Coffee Black?

Customer: What other Colors do You have?

*********

Dad: Son, what do You want for Your Birthday?

Son: Not much Dad, Just a Radio with a Sports Car around it.

*********

Girlfriend: And are You sure You Love Me and no one else?

Boyfriend: Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again Yesterday.

*********

Diner: I can't eat such a Rotten Chicken. Call the Manager!

Waiter: It's no Use. He won't eat it either.

*********

Father: Your Teacher says She finds it impossible to teach You Anything!

Son: That's Why I say She's no Good!

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Manager: Sorry, but I can't give You a Job. I don't need much help.

Job Applicant: That's all right. In fact I'm just the right person in this case. You see, I won't be of much help anyway!

*********

Wacky Definitions

Father: A banker provided by nature.

School: A place where Parents pays and Son plays.

Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.

Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Classic: Books, which people praise, but do not read.

Nurse: A person who wakes u up to give you sleeping pills.

Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Boss: Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Philosopher: A fool who torments himself during life, to be wise after death.

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

True Value of Doing Business

Mr. A and Mrs. A are flying to Australia for a Two Week vacation to celebrate their 50th Anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted Island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the Plane lands safely on the Island.

An hour later, Mr. A turns to his wife and asks, 

"Did We Pay Our Rs.10 Lakhs deposit Cheque yet to Bank?"

"No, Sweetheart," She responds.

Mr.A, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Did We Pay our Bank Master Card yet?"

"Oh No! I'm Sorry. I forgot to send the Cheque," She says.

"One last thing, Did You remember to send Cheques for the Auto Loan to them too this Month?" Mr. A asks.

"Oh, Forgive Me" begged Mrs. A. "I didn't Send that One, Either."

Mr. A grabs her and gives her the Biggest Hug in 50 Years.

Mrs. A pulls away and asks him, "So, Why did You Hug Me?"

Mr. A answers, "They'll Find Us!!!!"