Mr.Bean Jokes

1) BRAIN TUMOR:
Doctor: I regret to tell you that you have a brain tumor.
Mr. Bean: Yesss!!! (jumps in joy)
Doctor: Did you understand what I just told you?
Mr. Bean: Yes of course, do you think I'm dumb?
Doctor: Then why are you so happy?
Mr. Bean: Because that proves that I have a brain!

2) MR. BEAN WHILE IN GRADE SCHOOL:
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

3) WHILE IN A DRUG STORE:
Mr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!

4) AT AN ATM MACHINE:
Friend: What are you looking at?
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: Four asterisks (****)!

5) Marriage:
Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4worse.

6) CHATTING WITH HIS FRIEND:
Friend: How was the tape you borrowed from me, is it OK?
Mr. Bean: What do you mean OK, I thought it's a horror film. I didn't see any picture.
Friend: What tape did you took anyway?
Mr. Bean: Head Cleaner.

7)DEATH OF HIS MOTHER:
Mr. Bean:(crying) the doctor called, Mom's dead.
Friend: condolence, my friend.
(After 2 minutes) Mr. Bean cries even louder
Friend: what now?
Mr. Bean: my sister just called, her mom died too!

8) MR. BEAN ATTENDING A MEETING:
Colleague: Sorry I'm late. I got stuck in an elevator for 4 hrs because of a power failure.
Mr. Bean: That's alright, me too...I got stuck on the escalator for 3 hrs.

9) Spelling lesson:
Mr. Bean's Son: Dad, what is the spelling of successful.. ..is it one c or two c?
Mr. Bean: Make it three c to be sure!
Source: Email

Mr. Bean

Rowan Atkinson

Mr. Bean is a British comedy television series of 14 half-hour episodes starring Rowan Atkinson as the eponymous title character. It was written by Rowan Atkinson, Robin Driscoll, Richard Curtis and Ben Elton. The self-titled first episode was broadcast on 1 January 1990, with the final episode, "Goodnight, Mr. Bean", on 31 October 1995.

Rowan Atkinson was born on a farm in Durham on January 8th, 1956. He got his Electrical Engineering degree on Oxford university. His comedy career started at the Edinburgh fringe. He was also a late member of "Monty Python". Rowan is a comedian in Blackadder and Mr. Bean. He has made an appearanced in a couple of big films (Four Weddings And A Funeral, The Lion King), but he got to play some serious parts in these movies which was a bit of a bummer, because his great sense of humour wasn't completely utilized.

The series followed the exploits of Mr. Bean, described by Atkinson as "a child in a grown man's body", in solving various problems presented by everyday tasks and often causing disruption in the process.

During its five-year run the series gained large UK audience figures, including 18.74 million for the 1992 episode "The Trouble With Mr Bean", and was the recipient of a number of international awards, including the Rose d'Or. The show has been sold in over 200 territories worldwide, and has inspired two feature films and an animated cartoon spin-off.

The title character, played by Atkinson, is a slow-witted, sometimes ingenious, and generally likeable buffoon who brings various unusual schemes and connivances to everyday tasks. He lives alone in his small flat in Highbury, North London, and is almost always seen in his trademark tweed jacket and skinny red tie. Mr. Bean rarely speaks, and when he does it is generally only a few mumbled words. His first name (he names himself "Bean" to others) and profession, if any, are never mentioned, though he has been shown in the first episode to have a strong knowledge of Trigonometry.

Know about "NO"

* No Theaters in Bhutan.

* No Volcano in India.

* No Rain at day time in Nepal.

* No Rivers in Arabia.

* No Trees in Antarctica.

* No Snakes in Hawaii Island.

* No Mosquitoes in France.

Indian Republic Day

INDIAN FLAG

The most significant day in the history of India is 26th January 1950. On this day, the Constitution of India came into force and India became a truly sovereign state. In this day, India became a totally republican unit.

It was on this day we, through the constitution proclaimed that "We, the people of India, having solemnly resolved to constitute India into a sovereign socialist secular democratic republic and to secure to all its citizens justice; social, economic and political liberty of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship; equality of status and of opportunity; and to promote among them all fraternity assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the nation".

It is one of three annual national holidays in India, the other two being the nation's Independence Day on August 15 (since 1947) and the birthday of Mohandas K Gandhi or Mahatma Gandhi on October 2. And so, after the disposal of the Empire of India; King George VI was the last and only "King" of the modern India.

Today, the Republic Day is celebrated with much enthusiasm all over the country and especially in the capital, New Delhi where the celebrations start with the Presidential to the Nation. The beginning of the occasion is always a solemn reminder of the sacrifice of the martyrs who died for the country in the freedom movement and the succeeding wars for the defense of sovereignty of their country. Then, the President comes forward to award the medals of bravery to the people from the armed forces for their Exceptional Courage in the field and also the civilians, who have distinguished themselves by their different acts of valour in different situations.

To mark the importance of this occasion, every year a grand parade is held in the Capital, from the Rajghat, along the Vijaypath. The different regiments of the army, the Navy and the Air force march past in all their finery and official decorations even the horses of the cavalry are attractively caparisoned to suit the occasion. The crème of N.C.C cadets, selected from all over the country consider it an honour to participate in this event, as do the school children from various schools in the capital. They spend many days preparing for the event and no expense is spared to see that every detail is taken care of, from their practice for the drills, the essential props and their uniforms.

The parade is followed by a pageant of spectacular displays from the different states of the country. These moving exhibits depict scenes of activities of people in those states and the music and songs of that particular state accompany each display. Each display brings out the diversity and richness of the culture of India and the whole show lends a festive air to the occasion. The parade and the ensuing pageantry is telecast by the National Television and is watched by millions of viewers in every corner of the country.

Every part of the country is represented in occasion, which makes the Republic Day the most popular of all the National holidays of India.
Source: Various Sources.

ICAI will object even if KPMG's audit arm works for Satyam

The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI), which regulates the profession of chartered accountants in the country, today said it would raise objections even if KPMG’s Indian audit arm — BSR and Associates — was engaged to do audit work by the scam-hit Satyam Computer Services Ltd.

KPMG, one of the big four audit firms in the world, was asked by the government-appointed board of Satyam to restate the accounts after B Ramalinga Raju, the company’s founder, admitted to inflating the profits.

Top officials of the institute said BSR and Associates cannot undertake audit work using the name of KPMG as the foreign firm is not registered with ICAI.

ICAI had written a letter to the Satyam board communicating its stand. “We have written to the Satyam board that KPMG cannot be appointed as an auditor for Satyam as it is not our member,” ICAI President Ved Jain told the media here. He added that the Satyam board now had six members, one of them being a chartered accountant. They would consider the issue at their meeting tomorrow, he added.

Even if KPMG was doing a ‘re-statement’ of financial accounts, Jain said, this was an assurance service, which involved accounting and auditing.

Reacting to the ICAI statement, a KPMG spokesperson said, “We are working with the new Satyam board. The scope of work and terms of its reference are being discussed... It is our understanding that the scope of work to be finalised is not reserved for chartered accountants registered with ICAI.”

BS Reporter / New Delhi January 17, 2009.

Satyam Auditors not part of PwC

HYDERABAD: The two auditors of Satyam Computer Services, appointed by PricewaterhouseCoopers to audit the accounts of the company, were not partners of the audit firm at that time, people close to the investigation told ET.

Srinivas Talluri and S Gopalakrishnan, the two partners who have been signing the Satyam balance sheets for the past several years, were actually members of Lovelock & Lewes, a member firm of PwC.

The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI) rules make it clear that the balance sheet
of a company should only be signed by the partners of the statutory audit firm. There is no provision for the function to be passed onto the partners of an affiliate even if the said firm belongs to the same family.

Uttam Agarwal, vice-president of ICAI and head of the special panel, asked to probe the auditors’ role in the alleged falsification of accounts at Satyam, said that the institute was still trying to determine whether the partners were members of Price Waterhouse.

“A partner of one firm cannot, according to the law, sign as partner of another firm,” he added.

The disclosure has the potential to cause further complications for PwC whose role in the Satyam episode is being probed by ICAI.

According to a senior chartered accountant, the audited accounts may become null and void if partners who are not members of the audit firm sign on the balance sheet of a company.

A PwC spokesperson said in a statement that both are partners of PwC Bangalore, which is the statutory auditor of Satyam. However, according to ICAI, both the partners are members of Lovelock & Lewes. As of April 1, 2008, which is when the accounts of Satyam were finalised, the names of the two gentlemen appear as partners of Lovelock & Lewes.

“Investigating agencies are examining the role of the statutory auditors for Satyam. We are not looking at the past. Our mandate is to find ways of rescuing the company and our top priority is to tie up funds to pay salaries to employees and meet other operational expenses,” said a board member of Satyam who wished not to be named.

PwC was Satyam’s statutory auditor appointed by shareholders at the last AGM. As per the Companies Act, the shareholders of a company can appoint the statutory auditor of a company and also change auditors only at an AGM. The Act says that “every company shall, at each AGM, appoint an auditor or auditors to hold office from the conclusion of that meeting until the conclusion of the next AGM and shall, within seven days of the appointment, give intimation thereof to every auditor so appointed.”

Earlier, while speaking to ET, Mr Agarwal said that the institute was also trying to determine whether Vadlamani Srinivas - the former CFO of Satyam Computer who is currently in police custody - is registered as a chartered accountant. “If he is not a member of the institute, then we can’t press disciplinary charges against him,” said Mr Agarwal. This implies that there can be no charges against Mr Srinivas and that he can be liable only for any other civil charges, if any.

Interestingly, Price Waterhouse has audited the balance sheets of other companies such as GMR
Infra and Lanco Infra, which have a relatively large exposure in the state’s infrastructure projects.

Chinese Proverb: About Money

With MONEY You can,

Buy a ‘Clock’, but not 'Time'.
Buy a ‘Bed’, but not 'Sleep'.
Buy a ‘Book’, but not 'Knowledge'.
Buy a ‘Position’, but not 'Respect'.
Buy a ‘House’, but not a 'Home'.
See a ‘Doctor’, but not 'Good Health'.
Buy ‘Blood’, but not 'Life'.

U.S. Vice President

Joe Biden

"Joe Biden" has been sworn in as the 47th Vice President of the United States.

Biden raised his right hand and took his oath of office Tuesday from Associate Justice John Paul Stevens. In that moment, he became second-in-command to both Barack Obama and to a nation eager for change.
The swearing-in came shortly before Obama was to take his own oath on the West Front of the Capitol.
The vice president's most vital role is to assume the presidency in the event Obama cannot serve.
Beyond that, his duties can be limited or expansive based on the wishes of his boss, the president.
Biden says he plans to loyally support Obama but also wants an active role in decision-making.
The 66-year-old Biden served 36 years as a Delaware senator.
Source: AP

U.S. President

Barack Obama

"Barack Obama" became the 44th U.S. President on Tuesday.

The 47-year-old Obama assumed power over a country longing for change after former President George W. Bush's eight divisive years in the White House, an era that witnessed the Sept. 11, 2001 terror attacks, the beginning of wars in Afghanistan and Iraq and an economic collapse not seen since the 1930s Great Depression.
"Today I say to you that the challenges we face are real. They are serious and they are many. They will not be met easily or in a short span of time. But know this, America — they will be met," Obama said in his first address to the nation as its new leader.
Speaking to a massive crowd that spread across the National Mall from the Capitol toward the Lincoln Memorial, Obama recalled the words of George Washington, America's first president, enjoining Americans against faint-heartedness "in this winter of our hardship."
"With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come," the new president said. "Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."
Obama promised the world a new America that listens to all voices. But he vowed to spare nothing to keep America safe, addressing terrorist foes directly.
"We will not apologize for our way of life, nor will we waver in its defense, and for those who seek to advance their aims by inducing terror and slaughtering innocents, we say to you now that our spirit is stronger and cannot be broken; you cannot outlast us, and we will defeat you."
And to the larger Muslim world, he vowed to "seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West — know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy.
"To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."
Source: AP

How different Individuals Think and Learn Differently

A Teacher teaching Mathematics to a Seven-year-old Student “U”, and asked him, if I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?
Within a few seconds “U” replied confidently, ‘Four’!

The teacher was expecting an effortless Correct answer 3(three).
She was disappointed. ‘Maybe the child did not listen properly’, She thought. She repeated, “U”, listen carefully, if I give you one apple and one apple and one apple, how many apples will you have?
“U” had seen the disappointment on his teacher's face. He calculated again on his fingers. But within him he was also searching for the answer that will make the teacher happy. His search for the answer was not for the correct one, but the one that will make his teacher happy. This time hesitatingly he replied, 'Four...'

The disappointment stayed on the teacher's face. She remembered that “U” liked Strawberries. She thought maybe he doesn't like apples and that is making him loose focus. This time with an exaggerated excitement and twinkling in her eyes she asked, 'If I give you one strawberry and one strawberry and one strawberry, then how many you will have?
Seeing the teacher happy, “U” calculated on his fingers again. There was no pressure on him, but a little on the teacher. She wanted her new approach to succeed.
With a hesitating smile, “U” enquired, 'Three'.

The teacher now had a Victorious smile. Her approach had succeeded. She wanted to congratulate herself. But one last thing remained. Once again she asked him, 'Now if I give you one apple and one apple and one more apple how many will you have'
Promptly, “U” answered, 'Four!'
The teacher was aghast. 'How “U”, how' she demanded in a little stern and irritated voice.
In a voice that was low and hesitating, “U” replied, 'Because I already have one apple in my bag.'

Conclusion:
“When someone gives you an answer that is different from what you expect, don't think they are wrong. There may be an angle that you have not thought of at all. You will have to listen and understand, and not listen with a predetermined notion”.

Comparing Life with Accountancy

•Our Birth is our Opening Balance
•Our Discriminatory Views are our Liabilities
•Our Creative Ideas are our Assets
•Heart is our Current Asset
•Soul is our Fixed Asset
•Brain is our Fixed Deposit
•Thinking is our Current Account
•Achievements are our Capital
•Character and Morals are our Stock-in-Trade
•Friends are our General Reserves
•Values & Behavior are our Goodwill
•Patience is our Interest Earned
•Love is our Dividend
•Children are our Bonus Issues
•Education is Brands / Patents
•Knowledge is our Investment
•Experience is our Premium Account
•The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately
•The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award
•Our Death is our Closing Balance.

Rhyme of the Day

'Raju', 'Raju', Yes Pa Pa,

'Eating Profit', No Pa Pa,

'Cheating Public', No Pa Pa,

'Telling Lies', No Pa Pa,

"Open Your Balance Sheet", Ha Ha Ha...

A Leader Should Know How to Manage Failure

The following words are given by Former President of India A.P.J Abdul Kalam at Wharton India Economic forum, Philadelphia, March 22, 2008.

Let me tell you about my experience. In 1973, I became the Project Director of India's Satallite Launch Vehicle program, commonly called the SLV-3. Our goal was to put India's "Rohini" satellite into orbit by 1980. I was given funds and human resources -- but was told clearly that by 1980 we had to launch the satellite into space. Thousands of people worked together in scientific and technical teams towards that goal. By 1979 - I think the month was August -- we thought we were ready. As the project director, I went to the control center for the launch. At four minutes before the satellite launch, the computer began to go through the checklist of items that needed to be checked. One minute later, the computer program put the launch on hold; the display showed that some control components were not in order. My experts -- I had four or five of them with me -- told me not to worry; they had done their
calculations and there was enough reserve fuel. So I bypassed the computer, switched to manual mode, and launched the rocket. In the first stage, everything worked fine. In the second stage, a problem developed. Instead of the satellite going into orbit, the whole rocket system plunged into the Bay of Bengal.

It was a big failure. That day, the chairman of the Indian Space Research Organization, Prof. Satish Dhawan, had called a press conference. The launch was at 7:00 am, and the press conference -- where journalists from around the world were present -- was at 7:45 am at ISRO's satellite launch range in Sriharikota [in Andhra Pradesh in southern India]. Prof. Dhawan, the leader of the organization, conducted the press conference himself. He took responsibility for the failure -- he said that the team had worked very hard, but that it needed more technological support. He assured the media that in another year, the team would definitely
succeed.

Now, I was the project director, and it was my failure, but instead, he took responsibility for the failure as chairman of the organization. The next year, in July 1980, we tried again to launch the satellite -- and this time we succeeded. The whole nation was jubilant. Again, there was a press conference. Prof. Dhawan called me aside and told me, "You conduct the press conference today."

I learned a very important lesson that day. When failure occurred, the leader of the organization owned that failure. When success came, he gave it to his team. The best management lesson I have learned did not come to me from reading a book; it came from that experience.

Quotes

"Don't argue for other people's weaknesses. Don't argue for your own. When
you make a mistake, admit it, correct it, and learn from it--Immediately".
---Dr. Stephen Covey.

"Look for the good in every person and every situation. You'll almost always
find it".
---Brian Tracy.

"Either you run the day or the day runs you".
---Jim Rohn.

"The successful man will profit from his mistakes and try again in a different
way".
---Dale Carnegie.

"Begin with the end in mind".
---Dr. Stephen Covey.

Mysore

Mysore Palace
This is my first posting in the Blog.
In my first posting, I am writing briefly about my city “Mysore”.

Mysore which is situated in a Karnataka is not only a Beautiful city and also called as ‘Royal City’ and ‘Heritage City’. From the State's capital Bengaluru (Bangalore) to Mysore is around 140 Kms.

HISTORY OF MYSORE:
The word Mysore is a corrupted version of "mysooru", which is derived from the word "mahishur" or "Mahishasurana Ooru", which means the town of Mahishasura in Kannada, the local language. Mysore has been associated with the Puranic story found in the Devi Bhagavatha. According to the story in the Devi Purana, Mysore was ruled by the demon King Mahishasura. Mahishasura was a buffalo-headed monster. In response to the prayer by the Gods and Goddesses to save them from the demon, Goddess Parvathi, took birth as Chamundeshwari and killed the monster on top of the Chamundi hill near Mysore. Hence the hill and the city have the names Chamundi Hill and Mysore respectively.

It is said that after killing the monster, the Goddess stayed on top of the hill, where she is worshipped with great devotion to this day. The famous 10 daylong Dasara of Mysore is in honour of the Goddess Chamundeshwari and is a celebration of this victory of god over evil. Before the rise of the Gangas in the 10th century there is little historical evidence relating to Mysore. The Gangas established their supremacy in the 2nd century and they ruled over a large part of Mysore till about 1004 AD. In the 3rd century they established their capital at Talakad on the banks of the river Cauvery.

There is an inscription on Chamundi Hills that was done in 950AD during the reign of the Gangas. This inscription is the oldest inscription found in Mysore. The Cholas ruled Mysore for over a century after the Gangas. The Chalukyas followed the Cholas. The Hoysalas drove the Cholas from the remaining part of Mysore region in the 12th century. Hoysala are known for the beautiful temples they built during their reign. It is said that they built or expanded the existing temples in Mysore and on the Chamundi Hills. There is an inscription in Mysore by the Hoysalas that dates back to the 11th and 12th century.

After the Hoysalas came the Vijayanagar Kings and then the Mysore Yadu dynasty came to power in 1399A.D. They were the feudatories of the Vijayanagar Kings. This dynasty also contributed to temple building in Mysore. Bettada Chamaraja Wodeyar, the raja of Mysore rebuilt the fort of Mysore and made his headquarters and called the city 'Mahishura Nagara' meaning the city of Mahishur. Many inscriptions done in the 17th century and later refer to Mysore as 'Mahishuru'. Raja Wodeyar moved the capital from Mysore to Srirangapatna. After the death of Tippu Sultan in 1799, Mysore became the capital of the Wodeyars once again.

During the reign of Krishnaraja Wodeyar III, the town of Mysore expanded and moved beyond the walls of the fort. Krishnaraja Wodeyar IV developed Mysore into a beautiful city with excellent planning. Under his reign, Mysore became famous for its wide roads, magnificent building and elegant parks. Today, Mysore is a modern city that has managed to retain its quaint old world charm.

PECULARITIES IN MYSORE:
Mysore was retaining its heritage by having its own Specialities. Among them the famous were: Mysore Jasmine, Mysore Sandalwood, Mysore Silk Sarees, MysorePak and Mysore Bonda.

SITESEEING’S IN MYSORE:
There are various places to view in Mysore. The following are the some of the Places in and around Mysore.
Mysore Palace, Jaganmohan Palace. Chamundi Hill, Zoo, Karanji and Kukkaralli Lake, KrishnaRajaSagar (KRS), Railway Museum, Balamoori, Nanjangud, Srirangapatna, Ranganthittu Bird Sanctuary, St.Philomena’s Church, LalithMahal Hotel, Tippu’s Summer Palace, Sangama etc..

One of the best loved tourist destinations of India, a tour to Mysore is a trip into the rich history of Karnataka, which promises to charm the tourists to the land. Resplendent in her history, the various tourist attractions in Mysore have earned a name for themselves almost all around the world. A must visit while on a trip to Karnataka, a visit to Mysore promises to be one of the most memorable trips…ever..